Mired

I told myself, and you all I believe, that I would write more often. That’s not what I’ve been doing. Two of the days weren’t my fault, however, because the Internet at my place was down. It’s really scary how dependent I am on it. So it’s a good thing it’s back up.

Last week was full of all kinds of interesting goings-on and I just knew I would remember everything. I’m certain I have forgotten some of the gems, but I will try to recall what I can. The farthest back I can think of is Tuesday when I turned in my gender paper for the much-anticipated feedback from my favorite teacher in whole wide world. Her comments came back to me within a day and I wasn’t that pleased but I did manage to fix most of it I think and it’s now two pages longer than it was, bringing the total to 18.

But I’ve already gotten ahead of myself. That day, we discussed Adrienne Rich’s “Compulsory Heterosexuality.”

Brooklyn Bound For Good

I walked my ass all over Brooklyn yesterday with Cornelia but we are now the proud renters of the top floor of a house on the southwest side of Prospect Park. We are just a four-minute walk from the park, and I can spit at the F train station. It’s pretty much expensive, but I’m just glad I was able to save some money.

The bad news is that I may have to stay in New York all summer in order to work. I was looking forward to a 30th birthday party, too, but sometimes ya just gotta do what ya gotta do. Anyway, we have a lot of windows; a full kitchen in which to microwave my mac and cheese; there is a sliding-glass door that leads to basically the roof of the owners’ livingroom. So we have a place to bake this summer. I’m taking the big room because Cornelia is basically a poor foreigner and so I’m paying $100 more. But it’s still about $150 cheaper than this pit I’m in now.

Yes, I now just despise it here and can’t wait for three weeks when I move out. What else? The walls are painted different colors. There’s a built-in shelf for me television, which is nice. All in all, we’re both really excited and we’re gonna make it work. It actually feels like a home, so this’ll be fun. And the best thing is I’ll have a huge-ass room in NYC. I’ll take pictures.

It’s nice because the guy had an appointment to show the place today and still negotiated with us. We — actually Cornelia — talked him into having us pay the second security deposit in September. We each basically have to pay one full month’s rent security so now we have to just pay half. It helps. So he likes us.

And he likes that we devote our time to studying and he’s not doing a credit check. So he’s actually crazy but we’ll prove in no time to be financially trustworthy young women. We looked at another place yesterday but the woman was a bit strange. Cornelia believes she was a drug addict at one point in her life. I have no basis on which to judge such things so I couldn’t concur. And the fact that it was across the street from the projects wasn’t cool, either. The neighborhood is Crown Heights. Speaking of neighborhoods, my new one is called Windsor Terrace. Fancy schmancy.

I haven’t been much into talking about school this semester. I’m not sure why. It could be that I really wasn’t too into my classes. I’m more into the fact that I decided what I have a passion for academically, which is a scary thought. I find myself engaged in conversations on a daily basis about obliterating identity categories and the hierarchy inherent in their existence. For my gender class, I’m writing a paper on the historical development of transgenderism. I’m at the end of page four right now. I’m establishing the gender binary and from there will take parts of my conference paper to set up the move away generally from a hierarchical model of gender existence. At this point, I will bring in those individuals — transgendered — who challenge the binary by failing to fall into the strict categories of “masculine” and “feminine.”

This will give me a chance to spend some more time on the gender issue, which is something I didn’t get to do in my conference paper. Speaking of which, that paper is what I’m turning in for my culture class. Of course I’ll expand on it; I’ll probably be able to use some of my research for my gender paper in it. Also, I’ll spend more time establishing what I just mentioned: the hierarchies inherent in identity categories.  Let’s see, what else?

My feminist political theory paper will be the hardest because I’ve decided, with the encouragement of the professor, to do a close reading of Butler’s Gender Trouble. She’s up there with Hegel in terms of difficulty, although I’m sure some will scoff at the comparison. She’s the butt of many criticisms for her “bad” writing, as she is notorious for her unnecessarily complex sentences and useless repetitions of the same idea. My hero. I saw Erin on Friday. Sac dwellers will be happy to know that she will be brandishing an apron once again and working full time at Cafe Bernardo’s (at least that’s what she said Friday) and living somewhere in midtown. So I encourage you to seek her out and have a fun summer.

This will most likely be her last summer in the area because she’s about to break out. I’m going to her play next Friday night. It’s opening night. And best of all, I get to go to the cast party. Once again, I will be around young actors and alcohol. I will try to be better at updating. Something strange is going on with Blogger but hopefully it will calm down soon. It’s getting crunch time with school. We have I think four weeks left. But soon, I will have completed one year of grad school. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. I miss a regular paycheck. But I think this may have been a good move for me. Will I go on immediately to a doctorate — if at all. I sure as hell hope not. But there’s something in me that’s curious about the programs out there. I don’t know. I’ve got some time.

Hello Out There

I’m not quite sure what’s going on with the site. I can’t see the stuff I wrote the last couple of times. Oh well. Whatever. A friend of mine is house sitting a place and I’m there now. Some friends are watching a movie for class and I happened to have found a wireless network to tap into. I also intend on working on my gender paper but I’m not sure how far I’ll get tonight. It’s not going well so far.

This place is a high-rise building off 66th St. and Broadway. We’re 25 floors up. And it’s an awesome view. I could live here easily. Speaking of living, I have to be out of my place by May 20th. This doesn’t make me happy at all. Seeing as though Cornelia and I have six papers to write between the two of us, and not to mention the fact that we haven’t really started looking yet. I am excited about getting out of this frickin’ dorm, though. I need my space really badly.

Erin is coming into the city tomorrow. We’re going to hang out for the afternoon. I haven’t seen her since Christmas and that was only for a couple of hours, so it will be nice. Well, this is all I’ve got the energy for. I’ve been sick since Saturday and can’t think of anything interesting to report, although I’m sure there must be something.

Slowly But Surely

I’m getting there. I never did get through those parts of A Theory of Justice, which isn’t good because I need that knowledge in order to read the stuff for next Tuesday. And since I’m a dumb ass and volunteered to do the first presentation in my group for these readings, I have to read it all. It’s harder to hide when there are only eight people in a class. But who said I want to hide?

My gender class this week had me worried. I still feel unchallenged by it but I think I have control over it. Plus, having an opportunity to teach the class is nice. I’m looking forward to that. I think I may be doing it in two weeks. I’m a glutton.

I saw my culture professor this afternoon. Her name is Elzbieta. She’s Polish. She’s cool, except for the fact that she’s exhausting in class. She talks fast and is way intense. Two hours of that is a bit much. She was kind of helpful. She left me with more questions regarding my paper for her class. I’m also thinking in terms of my thesis already; I want the work in all of my subsequent classes to have some bearing on the outcome of my work here. There will be no more wasted time. Plus, a year and a half isn’t that far away. Damn.

I had some friends over tonight. After that, we went to a Bulgarian bar/dance club (very small) on Broadway and Canal. It was ok. I danced a bit. But I was tired so I came home…only to stay up for three and a half hours. I did some reading, though, so it’s justified. It’s pouring down snow now, so I’m going to go watch for a bit before I go to sleep.

Culture, Grad School Style

My criminal court appearance this morning didn’t quite have anything to do with court. In fact, it wasn’t worth my while at all. I ironed a shirt last night. I got out of bed at 7:30. I walked down there, and met Cornelia and Rashad. We walked in and I had to take my belt off and all that good stuff. After the ex-ray machine thing, I got into a nice conversation with the guard who saw that I was from California (he saw my ID, which still has California emblazoned across it). I told him I was from L.A. and he asked where and I told him the Valley and I don’t think it did much for him. He was almost disappointed, like he wanted me to say something more exciting. It seems the Valley doesn’t really count anymore. Well, it was big in the 80s. Anyway, that was a fun interaction and after putting my belt back on, my cohorts went upstairs to wait in a short line. When I got up to the window, I was met by a woman who hardly said two words to me. She was having difficulty negotiating her space because there was the keyboard, her morning coffee and a breakfast item.

Bruised Housing

My girl won her second Golden Globe in as many years, and I couldn’t be more proud. And what a dress! And I was satisfied with the Chicago winners. Renee Z. definitely deserved it. She looked good in her costumes.

I shouldn’t be up now because it’s 2:50 a.m. EST. I’ve got two interviews tomorrow. One with a woman from the U. of Michigan and the other with a guy from the INS. I’m doing a story on a new system that tracks international students. I’ll try to write a good one, Jim. Gray got back tonight. She brought up living together and I told her that that wasn’t going to happen. She hit my leg twice. Candace hit me in the head yesterday when I told her I wasn’t going to live with her. I really need to be more careful.

Candace and I cooked tonight. Kind of. She insisted on putting a pot in the convection oven. I told her, mind you, that I didn’t think that was a good idea. She didn’t listen and in went the pot. A few seconds later, it started smelling a little. Like a burning pot. So I got the fan and she took it out of the oven. I told her. We had stir-fried chicken and she brought some spinach. I’m not sure how I feel about cooked spinach yet. I ate it, though. Sleep.

Done?

I’d just like to take this time to acknowledge the fact that I have “completed” my paper on whiteness. It is, by far, the worst piece of writing I have ever managed to produce. Well, it might be a little better than the short story I wrote when I was five about the origin of the Santa Claus facade. Anyway, I haven’t proofread the 27-page debacle yet, and I really don’t want to. But it’s a necessary evil, which I will endure with much pain and trepidation. With the completion of this paper, I have successfully (or not, perhaps) reached the end of my first semester. I’m sure I have thoughts on this; I just can’t locate them now. I will wax philosophical (because apparently I didn’t get enough of that during the last four months) at a later time. Maybe.

I had a thought the other day as I was waiting in the subway. I caught a glimpse of a cute little rat scavenging for food in the murky water between the tracks. Poor thing. Then I started thinking about his genetic make-up. Have subway-dwelling rats developed anything as a result of living down there? I understand that there are sewer rats. But if you think about it, these rats deal with the ration of crap that people throw down the tracks. Also, at regular intervals throughout the day and night, they are forced to react to a rumbling on the track, which soon turns into a loud monstrosity with a bright light on the front. So are subway rats’ hearing better than other rats’ hearing? And how about their organs? Are they any stronger as a result of the “food” they ingest? Unfortunately I didn’t have my iPod with me when I was having these thoughts, and, looking back, I believe that may have contributed to my concern for the rats. Ok, to my paper I go.

Lying Weather Bastards

First of all, I gotta congratulate Joanne. She was accepted into the South Africa program. She was the only non-doctorate student to be accepted.

See, when I edit stuff, magic things happen. This has been a long weekend. Having the roommates gone was nice. But it went by entirely too fast. Kim won’t be back till Wednesday, so I have one more night to myself in my room. But enough about that. I finally made it to the Hudson. It was nice. And a little chilly. Interestingly, it was also the closest I got to the snow. If you count frozen water at the base of teenage trees anywhere near snow. Being from Southern California, I could probably get away with that, but I’m sure I’d be laughed at. All of those threats of heavy snow were a bunch of lies. Bastards. It’s been in the 20s at night all week. But no snow. I’ve been told to be careful what I wish for but I’m thinking that NYC will have another mild winter.

Coldness

It’s 42 degrees out right now but the weather site says it feels like 12 degrees. How is this possible? I have a feeling I’m going to be learning a lot about weather in the months to come. I’ve overheard a couple of New Yorkers express the early cold that we’re experiencing. My windbreaker today wasn’t a huge help in guarding against the cold.

Today was my long day. I almost spoke up in class but didn’t. It’s like I have to spend five weeks preparing. I’m going to try to get better. I spoke with one of the maintenance men in the Graduate Faculty building. His name is Cleophus. There was a flyer on the wall about going to Brazil for six months and working with the street kids. We talked for 10 minutes about that and the rest of South America. I also went to see Sergio the Sociology student adviser. I made an appointment for tomorrow. We’ll see what happens there. My roommate is talking to her boyfriend right now. “Bitch ass” and “dumb ass” have come out of her mouth so far. She can’t wait till he puts a ring on her finger.

Gray’s friend Danielly is visiting from Italy. One of his favorite philosophers is Hegel. Where was he three weeks ago? And I wasn’t too excited to hear Hegel’s name so soon after my experience. I just turned my Dostoyevsky paper in today. I’m thinking a B+ again. I started Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. I’ll have to present on that next Tuesday. And I hope to have my slavery paper finished two weeks from now. I’ll keep you posted. Ok, I must sleep now.

Anniversaries

Anniversaries are an interesting thing. We mark them in order to remember things that have happened, happy or sad. I woke up this morning, thinking that in the back of my mind, I’d take the short walk to “ground zero” to see what was going on. But when I turned the television on, I saw the media circus that had begun hours before.

When I got out of the subway the other night, the NYPD had already put down barricades. There were more people than usual looking at the memorial wall that surrounds the church. After I crossed Broadway, police in various types of vehicles were headed south honking their horns and ringing their sirens. I took another glance toward the site and saw the American flag hanging on a building west of where the towers stood. It was all overwhelming.

Prez Bush’s arrival around 5:30 EST wasn’t even enough to make me want to go down there. I stayed inside all day and read. Well, sort of. I started reading about young Werther and his sorrows. He has just met the love of his life, the very love that will drive him to suicide. I e-mailed my sociology professor and gave her topics that I’d be interested in writing my 30-page essay about. They are: 1) the racial implications of minstrelsy in the 19th century. why did it exist and how did race/ism contribute to its popularity; and 2) the white race She responded within 10 minutes and, enthusiastically speaking about both topics, suggested we meet over coffee next Wednesday after her office hour. So that’s that.

I went to the Village tonight to “read” with my roommate Niketa and her best friend Briana who is a film student at Sarah Lawrence. We found a cool all-night establishment that isn’t really conducive to studying. But it’s definitely worth a visit. On the way back to the train to go home, we were seranaded by a homeless rapper looking for money. They try hard here and at least it’s entertaining. He walked to the side of me and gave us a little rap for about a block. I held on to my money. It’s nearly 3 am so I’m going to sleep. I’m hoping my roommate will get off the phone here pretty soon. That would definitely make it easier for me to sleep.