So Long, Bookcase My Friend

I sold one of my bookcases today. I bought it years ago in Sacramento and it has been in four apartments and two cities. I also got a hit on my digital camera. Craigslist is great.

The buyer showed up with her boyfriend and as she looked at it in my bedroom, she seemed to be having second thoughts about whether she wanted it. I told her she did and dropped the price by $10 to make up for the two missing pegs. I would make a terrible salesperson. The three of us had a little bit of a conversation, and I found out she’s in law school, and that her boyfriend has relatives who live in Sydney.

To help seal the deal I offered her some books that were sitting in boxes in the living room. She didn’t want them at first, until her boyfriend noticed a copy of Nigger by Dick Gregory. Yeah, that’s what I thought. How about you look through the rest of them? And I watched as The Slave Trade, Assata, Juneteenth, Drylongso, Go Tell It On The Mountain, and Tar Baby flew out of the boxes one after the other. (But they left the hard-cover Norton Anthology of the complete works of Shakespeare! Who does that?)

Coldness

It’s 42 degrees out right now but the weather site says it feels like 12 degrees. How is this possible? I have a feeling I’m going to be learning a lot about weather in the months to come. I’ve overheard a couple of New Yorkers express the early cold that we’re experiencing. My windbreaker today wasn’t a huge help in guarding against the cold.

Today was my long day. I almost spoke up in class but didn’t. It’s like I have to spend five weeks preparing. I’m going to try to get better. I spoke with one of the maintenance men in the Graduate Faculty building. His name is Cleophus. There was a flyer on the wall about going to Brazil for six months and working with the street kids. We talked for 10 minutes about that and the rest of South America. I also went to see Sergio the Sociology student adviser. I made an appointment for tomorrow. We’ll see what happens there. My roommate is talking to her boyfriend right now. “Bitch ass” and “dumb ass” have come out of her mouth so far. She can’t wait till he puts a ring on her finger.

Gray’s friend Danielly is visiting from Italy. One of his favorite philosophers is Hegel. Where was he three weeks ago? And I wasn’t too excited to hear Hegel’s name so soon after my experience. I just turned my Dostoyevsky paper in today. I’m thinking a B+ again. I started Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. I’ll have to present on that next Tuesday. And I hope to have my slavery paper finished two weeks from now. I’ll keep you posted. Ok, I must sleep now.

Alienation

Alia arrived about three hours ago. She wasn’t at my place long before we headed out so she could get a quick taste of the city. We walked down by the WTC site. I hadn’t been down there yet. Then we walked up Church St., east to Broadway and took the train to 8th St. I showed her Washington Square Park, and we walked up 5th Ave. to New School. And then on to Union Square so we could catch the train back. I’ve just finished a frozen mac and cheese dinner (low calorie, of course) and we’re about to call it a night — an early bed time for me.

Yesterday morning, I began my reading for next week. I started with the “Alienation of Labor,” an unfinished treatise by Karl Marx that examines man’s alienation from the products he creates for the bourgeoisie. It’s interesting. And best of all, it’s only 10 pages. Another good thing is that it’s a cake walk compared to Hegel. I’m still recovering from him. I still feel his spirit in me.

Alia has an appointment to talk with the director of admissions at New School’s Dept. of International Relations. Tomorrow night: Spurs vs. Knicks. Go Spurs.

Hegelian Haze

I fully intended on writing more this week but I entered a Hegalian Haze that I won’t be out of until Tuesday night. The bulk of my stress may be over, as I hashed out a presentation outline all day yesterday and this morning. That I had a friend visiting may account for the fact that it took me all day yesterday, but I think I’ve got something decent. Unfortunately, I’m having a hard time devoting equal amounts of energy to my other two classes. That should change this week. The friend who visited was here on Coast Guard duty but she also wanted to shoot a few scenes for a film she’s doing. She was able to talk one of my roommates into being in it, as well as another roommate’s friend. He’s a third-year actor in the Actors Studio. Speaking of which, Martin Sheen is the guest tomorrow night on the show. Depending on where I am in my presentation, I may try to attend. I should get something in return for Gray being an usher. I was going to go to a show last night called Take Me Out. It’s about a major league baseball player who comes out of the closet. Well, at $50 a ticket, we decided not to go. And I’m finding it really difficult to justify spending that kind of money when there’s perfectly good Off Off Broadway for $10. On Friday, I was walking to the train down by City Hall and saw a small crowd gathered at the corner of Park Row and Broadway. This crowd was standing just behind a stage that had been constructed at City Hall Park. Understanding this to be a noon-time concert, I went to the crowd to see what the big deal was. And it was none other than curly-haired, saxophone blowing Kenny G. My stay was short. Shorter than his hair. I stayed at the library there for about four hours. On my way home, I picked up a Burritoville burrito with soy cheese and tofu sour cream. When I got home, I was surprised to find no one here. I was alone. For about an hour. I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. Should I play music? I wasn’t in the mood for that. Of course, I didn’t know how long this would last and I wanted to make the most of it. So I finished watching the movie Elizabeth. It’s fantastic. I better get to my reading: “‘Race’ and Color in the Caribbean” by H. Hoetink.

Exploratory

Today (yesterday, rather) was pretty uneventful. It took two hours to read 15 pages of Hegel. But I’m slowly getting through it. I have 40 pages left to read and then I’m going to read it again. Maybe it will be more fun the second time around. Erin visited today. We hung out in a little park outside my place for a couple of hours and chatted. She’s extremely busy but is loving the program. My roommates and I went to see the Banger Sisters. It’s not very good but it’s always enjoyable to watch two awesome women (Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon) on screen together. After that, I was able to make it to the library. And after that, my friend and I went to this restaurant called Dojo. I had a plate of steamed vegetables and tofu over brown rice. No, really. Vegetables and tofu. It was awesome. I couldn’t finish it. And it was cheap. $5. Everything else is less than that. And it’s a nice sit-down restaurant. Then I finally went home but not before getting off the train and seeing my first public urinator. He was a pleasantly dressed fellow (unzipped slacks and a button-up shirt) leaning against a pillar in a desolate part of the Brooklyn Bridge stop. Well, he hadn’t counted on the arrival of the 6 train and all of a sudden, he had an audience of folks looking for the exit. Thankfully he aimed his stream away from the foot traffic. As I approached his “urinal,” he was in the motion of zipping and turning conspicuously as hell to his right as if he had nothing to do with the fresh puddle now making its way down the station. I will no longer wear thongs in the subway.

Tofu and Difficulty

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I have had numerous conversations over the past few days about grad school and how bloody ridiculous the pressure, as well as my daily feelings of academic inadequacies.

I’m putting a lot of the pressure on myself, I realize this. But it’s in my nature. And I’m sure Hegel or Kant or Rousseau or Goethe would have a problem with blaming it on my nature. These four men have invaded my life (and it’s only been three weeks). They’ve taken up residence in my consciousness, so it’s to a point where I go to sleep thinking of them.

I wake up in the middle of the night considering Sturm und Drang’s (look it up — I had to) influence on Goethe’s protagonist, the paradox that is Olauduh Equiano’s enslavement, Hegel and I don’t know what, and man’s inability to put nature above himself. Yes HIMself. I go to the philosophy section in bookstores now to try and find secondary sources. I get excited when I see them. For instance, I bought one just today about Hegel: Reason and Revolution: Hegel and the Rise of Social Theory. I’m big on him now because I’m presenting on his Philosophy of History in two and a half weeks.

The people who write the introductions to his books say that he is impossible to read. And I haven’t even mentioned the paper that’s due on Tuesday. That’s why I’m still up at 3:40 a.m. I feel guilty if I go to sleep. It’s not all stressful. I’m eating macrobiotic food. I found a place in the Village by NYU’s (grrrrrr) library, in which I spend an inordinate amount of time.

Temple in the Village is its name and it’s cheap; the Tofu Jim is really really good. I’m not sure who Jim is, but I’m choosing to believe he’s not in the actual tofu. I haven’t really done a whole lot of “going out.” I think I might go to Meow Mix soon. Meow Mix is the unnecessarily named lesbian bar. I think I’ve been there before during one of my previous visits. I met with my sociology professor on Wednesday.

We discussed white privilege, which is to be the topic of my 30-page paper. She’s calling them essays. I’ve never written a 30-page essay. Five pages, yes. Thirty pages, not in my lifetime. I guess there’s a first for everything.

Like walking down a relatively desolate Broadway the two and a half miles to my place. That was fun. This is a very lonely city anyway, despite the millions of people who trample on its bedrock. When you throw night and lower Manhattan into the equation, it becomes even more lonely. And it’s a really good way to clear your mind. I need to go to sleep right now but I will try to write more often. And I still haven’t played with pictures on this thing yet, as you can see. I can’t promise much.